Beware, it's long....

Okay, so this is my running commentary on the 79th annual Academy Awards. Get ready for nonsense. I love this. Joe is sitting over there, nearby, but with headphones on in order to properly ignore tonight’s festivities. Joe says this is liveblogging.

Red carpet notes? Thank you Andre Leon Talley for agreeing with me that Kirsten Dunst was a vision. Fantastic dress. Cate Blanchett, always a vision, I think I have a girl crush. Gwyneth? Love it. I love Eddie Murphy again, and who knew? Cameron, you’re a beast.

As for the nominees, I saw very few. I was away during the height of Oscar movie season (end of the previous year…), but Joe and I saw Pan’s Labyrinth, and I think it should win lots of things. We saw the Departed on DVD last night, and while it wasn’t the best movie ever, Scorsese will probably win (as he probably should considering his career).

Will Farrell? He’s funny and I HATE that I like him. I just watched Ricky Bobby the other night, and I loved way more than I ever wanted to. Jack Black! I love him!!! Michelle, I think you still should marry him. Best duet ever. John C. Reilly might be the best ever. “I chose to be in both Boogie and Talledega Nights!” May I please note that we saw JCR and last year’s Best Actor winner, Phillip Seymour Hoffman in a silly sort of Broadway play a few years ago, written by Sam Shepard (you remember him as Chuck Yeager in The Right Stuff). It was good, and the actors switched roles every other night which was interesting, but JCR as the guys in both Boogie and Talledega Nights? Way better. Also, remember him as the only good thing from the Jennifer Anniston flop The Good Girl.

Okay, can I just say that Ellen may have saved the Oscars? She is very funny and when I’m home at 11am, I watch her show. I love her, and I love her red velvet suit. Am I wrong in thinking that it’s the Gucci suit that Gwyneth Paltrow wore in 1996? The first year with Tom Ford at the helm? The gospel thing? Eh…But that wasn’t her fault. I find her so charming and delightful!

Did you see Little Miss Sunshine? I was *shocked* when it was nominated for best film, because I didn’t like it at all (although that usually isn’t a factor. It’s like if they ask me what were the worst movies of the year, they disagree and give them awards. Is my taste that bad?). Alan Arkin was genius as usual, but I felt like the rest of the movie was boring and regular, maybe formulaic? The overachiever dad, the supportive mom, the suicidal gay uncle who ends up being normal, the silent son who talks in the end…boring. Right? Did you like it? Tell me why.

This choir making movie noises is weirding me out a little, and yet, I wish I was in it. I can make funny noises…Okay, since this is live, I’m 4 out of 6 for the winners. Yay for me! How many categories are there?

Jessica Biel, what were you thinking in that belted pink ick? Rachel Weiss, love the gown.
Make that 5 out of 7…Alan Arkin is the greatest in his straightforwardness.
You know it’s the Oscars when old bald feely James Taylor (for that Disney garbage Cars) comes on, followed by Randy Newman. It’s like El-uhn on the Grammies, ri-yuht? It’s a guarantee from America. It’s the thing you can trust in besides death and taxes.

Melissa Etheridge asks us to write to Congress. Betsy, does that really work? Please tell. And I AM for the environment and I support all kinds of changes in the way human beings do things like fuel cars and re-use materials, but I do not like the sanctimonious way Hollywood sets it forth. Again, I repeat, I AM FOR all of this. Just don’t be a jerk about it. Matt Drudge just called Al Gore “Orsan Welles like.” If only he was as powerful.

When are they going to show the people who died this year? That’s always when I’m most surprised during this show.

Hmm, I like that they are reading parts of the screenplays wile they show that same part as produced. Very good addition. I really like seeing the writer vs. director’s point of view. Ooh, and first guy to get cut off by the music! The screenwriter for The Departed. Is Tom Hanks not the best sport in Hollywood? What a square.

Meryl Streep is amazing and gorgeous, but always makes some serious mistakes in what she wears to the awards shows. I love her. Yay! There’s a corgie at the Oscars! Hooray for puppies! Marie Antoinette wins, and I love Sofia Coppola, but I haven’t seen this one yet. Comments?

SHUT UP! They let freakazoid into the show! Tom Cruise! *shiver* Mrs. P, I know what your neighbor says about Joe being Tom Cruise gorgeous, but I think your son is much better looking, and not at all weird! 

Yay! Now we’re up to 7 out of 11…and at first, I thought Catherine Deneuve looked not so great, but I take it back. She’s still a fox.

Hooray for Jennifer Hudson! Just another American Idol loser, but now able to say FU Fox! And announced and escorted by George Clooney? Welcome to Hollywood, lady! Despite your space age freaky dress…welcome.

Hooray for Jerry Seinfeld! At least he watched the movies he was introducing. Good lord, there’s Al Gore on stage. Larry David looks a little uncomfortable. I know we have to solve the “climate” issue, but ew. I’ll act, happily, but ew.

Yay for Ennico Morricone! Best soundtrack ever ever ever! Wah wah wah…ooeeooeeooooo, wah wah wah…I wish I could hear what my Italian Cinema professor had to say about this tonight. I’m sure it’s hilarious. Just to note, he hasn’t even gotten on stage yet, and wikipedia says this: He received the Honorary Academy Award (Lifetime Achievement Award) in 2007, only the second film composer to be so honored. I love wiki for that. Way to ruin my good mood, Celine Dion. Blech. At least she grew her hair out. Why the long face, Celine? (joke courtesy of Christopher John of Garren New York, circa 1997).

I’m losing my average…I’m down to 10 out of 18. That old VJ from MTV says it’s because of all the surprises. I say it’s because I vote with my heart, and that I’m incapable of predicting what Hollywood will actually think. It ain’t easy being green.

JLo looks adorable. I love her dress, I love her hair, she is always immaculate. A doorbell! And she’s announcing the song from Dreamgirls (which I haven’t seen). It’s really so obvious how Beyonce is a product of Hollywood and the music industry and how Jennifer Hudson is actually a real talent. I love that the “discovery” won the award and the “product” wasn’t even nominated. That makes me believe in the old school American Dream. :D

Umm, Please welcome the Travol-tar and the Queen of Latifa. Well, it wouldn’t be the Oscars without those two naming Randy Newman, right? Spread the peace, y’all. I love that Melissa E. just thanked her wife for her song about waking up about the environment. Hooray for the future!

It is SO not about the outfits when it gets this late, right? I started this blog at 8:30 pm, and now it’s 11:40…and we still have 5 awards to go…hrmph. Why are Oscar movies always SO depressing? Okay the big 4 left, but they changed the order, am I wrong? Wasn’t best actor the first award before? Or was it Supporting Actor? Even so, they changed the order….

Jodie Foster in Vera Wang, it’s like a heresy! What does Armani say? They were the original Designer/Actor duo…at least she’s announcing my favorite part, the people who died this year. It’s so morbid, but so wonderful, non? Don Knotts! Joe Barbera! Philippe Noiret! Jack Wild! James Doohan! Peter Boyle! Didn’t Jack Palance die like 15 years ago? Robert Altman. May you all rest in peace and make fantastic movies in the next world. Ooh, it’s getting late, isn’t it?

Ellen, you peach. It will be that wonderful Helen Mirren, it must be! What is this movie Little Children? I’m so out of it! But I was right about Ms. Mirren! Isn’t she gorgeous? But so is Meryl. What bone structure and bad fashion sense! Who couldn’t love her? And super kudos to Ms. Mirren for saluting the Queen of England in her speech. How quaint!

I love love love Reece Witherspoon, but she looks too skinny since her breakup. Her dress is amazing, however, and I do not dispute her absolute power to look fantastic all the time, I just wish she didn’t look so break-up-y. Make no mistake, I find her impeccable. And so the best actor category goes to Forest Whitaker. And I’m right! Hooray! 12 out of 22! Only director and picture left!

I’m pretty confident (like 75%) that Marty Scorsese will win best director, but while I put my marker mark next to the Departed for best pic, I will be surprised by whomever that wins.

Hardy har har, aren’t Spielberg and whatshisnames funny? Non! But at least they think they are. And yay for Marty! He finally won! Like my dad, he opted to join the seminary and then channel his interests and skill elsewhere. What a great cast he had, and also what great glasses he wears all the time! May I please recommend his movie “Mi viaggio in Italia” (1999) It’s Marty introducing all kinds of marvelous Italian movies that we may have never heard of. Please for to watch this. He has some great insights about the films.

And so now, we wind it up…best pic announced by a freakishly bald Jack Nicholson. Good for the old men! So, 14 out of 24 without seeing most of the movies? I say I did pretty well. :D Happy Oscars, y’all, and get out and support those movies you liked that didn’t win!

Yay for movies!