Old men part 3

Happy Valentine's Day, dearest readers! I have heart shaped cards with sweethearts inside for you all (here in my hand, just trust).

So, I joined a new yoga class, and I have been there twice. I'm dropping this class like a hot potato. Let me tell you why! The instructor is a man with an unidentifiable accent, like maybe British or just pretentious. Hard to say. He wears those pants that should have been banned when they came out in the 80s...you know the ones, high elastic waist at which a LOT of obnoxiously printed fabric is gathered, tapered at the ankles. Ew. And he wears them with t-shirts tucked into them. Today's had some sort of comic strip on it with an E=mc2 joke that I couldn't quite make out. He has a receding hairline, a gray ponytail and glasses like a German philosopher might wear (see pic, left). And his name is Peter Sage. I'm pretty sure that's fake.

So the first class I went to was bad, but not unbearable. The yoga didn't flow like I'm used to, and he didn't say the names of the asanas we were doing, which was odd. He also said things like "now, please, put your left leg forward" and would giggle to himself. I've had odd yoga instructors in the past, so I found these things only mildly strange.

TODAY, however, I almost left in the middle of class. It's Valentine's Day, so today's class was themed to love. Really? Yes. And Peter Sage decided that to kick off the love themed class, we should dance. Not just put on the ABBA and get down (okay, I don't really get down to ABBA, but you know what I mean), but hold hands and go in a circle, then look at each other with hands in prayer position dancing. Oh yes. That happened.

The next thing we did in yoga class today was sit in a circle on our mats and hold hands and talk about what love meant to us. Yes, that happened too. That's when I really wanted to leave, but I stuck it out, hoping to get to the yoga part of the day, which I did eventually. But that part stunk just like last week, and my cynical self is out of there. I take yoga to get stronger, become more flexible and more focused and to do a little personal meditation, not to twirl with that Sophomore from my Italian class. Oh, and did I mention that at one point, he had us swaying to that horrible Michael Jackson song about making the world a better place for you and me. I'm not generally that awkward of a person, but while I like yoga, I must draw the line somewhere. It wasn't last spring with the flute playing actor, it IS with Mr. Sage. I have nothing against monks in general, just this one. Thank God my class on Mondays is normal!

So, all, open your hearts today. Grab the hand of the person next to you, make a circle, take 8 steps to the right, 8 to the left, put your hands together and look into the eyes of the person to your left, then look to the center, then look into the eyes of the person on your right, then every other person (me, of course) put your arms up in the air and circle around the person to your right. Do this 100 times and hope no one walks past the giant picture windows on either end of the room.